Limits are the barbed wire of real life. Boundaries are split-rail fences. When you push past limits, personal or professional, there’s a good chance of being pricked as you hurtle up and over. But boundaries set apart the Sacred with simple grace. There’s always enough room to maneuver between the rails if you’re willing to bend.
“Before I built a wall I’d ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out.” Robert Frost
Creating boundaries has not come easy for me, and so I wanted to share this thought from “Simple Abundance” by Sarah Breathnach.
“We want our lives to feel limitless, so we must learn the art of creating boundaries that protect, nurture and sustain all we cherish. For most women, creating boundaries is excruciating, so we don’t do it until we’re pushed to the outer edge of tolerance. To create boundaries we must learn to say, thus far and no further. This means speaking up. Expressing our needs. Indicating our preferences. These moments are tense and can easily escalate into confrontations complete with tears, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings. This is why many women stay quiet, rendered virtually mute by unexpressed rage and unable to articulate any needs at all.
But even if we are mute, we’re not powerless to draw a line in the sand.
Speaking the language of “no” is a good place to start creating boundaries. “No” can be as beautiful as “yes”. Whenever we deny our need to say “no”, our self-respect diminishes, according to John Robbins and Ann Mortifee in “In Search of Balance: Discovering Harmony in a Changing World”. Saying “no” is our deepest responsibility. It is a gift to ourselves when we say “no” to old habits that drain our energy, “no” to what robs us of our inner joy, “no” to what distracts us from our purpose. Saying “no” can be liberating when it expresses our commitment to take a stand for what we believe we truly need.”
As I’m learning to set and keep boundaries in my life, I’m finding it liberating and freeing. Defining and maintaining my boundaries keeps me in alignment spiritually, emotionally and physically. It makes me a happier and joyful person. The questions I ask myself when pressed against my boundaries is “Does this take me closer to my purpose?” Does this uphold my values?” “Will this be fun and does it give me joy?”